Reflection of Light and Love

Through the Window

Since a child, at a very young age, I have felt there was something hiding deep within each one of us, afraid to show it’s uniquely loving and powerful self. Contrary to what was sometimes showing up on the surface of behaviors like resentment, intolerance, critical judgment, or distain, I intuitively sensed that people had only been taught or conditioned to react in these hurtful ways… and that there existed an innate goodness in all of us, and that this innate goodness IS our true potential.

Being raised in the early 60’s by the Benedictine nuns of the Catholic church, I watched as the “Sisters of Faith” hid themselves behind their veils and habits of religious order. I spent years in a boarding school where children were separated from their parents to be raised by the nuns. We children never spoke of our loneliness and feelings of separation even though we all felt it. I grew up knowing the world as a place to hide. Adults hiding from adults. Children hiding from children. And I had to wonder, “Why was everyone hiding, and what were we hiding from?”

Nevertheless, I intuitively knew that beneath all the layers of our repressed fears there was something more tender yearning to be felt. I sensed the depth of the core self that other’s had seemed to have forgotten. And I understood our soul’s almost desperate need to express it’s innate joy and more importantly the need to experience the freedom that joy could bring into the world. And I knew that within this was the window to our highest potential. I can not explain how I knew all of this as a young child nor could I at that time have articulated it even in the slightest. Despite the portrayed world of sadness that I quietly watched through my personal isolation and extreme introversion, I had faith in something beyond magnificent. I continued to believe that there was something real and tenderly vulnerable in each of us. And this secret something in each of us was desperately wanting and waiting to peak through and to be recognized in each and every human.

You might think that it was just a young girl’s need to believe in fantasy and love. A foolish child’s belief of a fairytale world full of magic and goodness. Yet, growing up in poverty, I saw all too well the injustices that poverty consciousness imbued and how the not having enough cultivated fear in so many ways no matter at what age, race or gender. The imbalance between poverty and prosperity was seen evident everywhere in the big city of Chicago. I knew deeply that we were all letting our emotions run havoc in our lives from the fear that basic survival was struggle. And that through this emotional blind sided existence, it became ever so necessary for me to tap into a power from within in order to truly transform my life experience. Without realizing it, I set out desiring to understand the depth of relationship with a TRUE SELF that transformed all sense of lack and suffering and fear. My personal quest was to find ways to tap into that SOURCE somehow and without even knowing it, I began to talk to the Divine all the time.

HOW I GOT HERE

As a quite introverted child, I intuitively would sense that many adults felt trapped within a self-inflicted emotional prison. I watched my mother’s unspoken inner emotional struggles, and I became estranged to her dark shadow self. I did not understand her prison of sadness, negativity, and depression and therefore, I emotionally and physically hide myself from her. I was not at the least curious about her dark unrelenting sadness, or her deep lingering and tormenting worry. I didn’t like to feel, what I called ugly energy, that I felt from her, so I purposefully and intentionally made her a stranger in my life. In other words, it felt not only natural but essential that I watch my mother from a safe unattached, unemotional distance.

For many years, I did not speak to my life-worn mother, and avoided being around her as much as possible. I did this with many adults and other children who felt unsafe and unapproachable. It kept me free to be me, so I thought. However, as an adult, I realized after years of personal work that through my creating distance from her and others, I had created my own prison of feeling “unloved” and “unworthy”. This “emotionless” prison was ever so subtle that I succeeded in convincing myself that I could feel safe within it. I managed to convince myself that staying small, unseen, and distant was vital in order to preserve within me an unrelenting sense of optimism from a depressed world. I needed to do good things in the world as an adult and so as a young girl, I needed to stay under the radar of fearfulness, feeling numb and thus being free to continue thinking hopeful thoughts.

Nevertheless, as an adult, I learned to look past my mother’s emotional mask of sadness as a tired, worried and lonely woman, and peer deeply into my unemotional mask of detachment as an extremely quite, shy, and uncommunicative girl, and allowed life to show more. Fortunately, years before my mother’s passing, life brought in some opportunities to heal us both. Within real life lessons we were offered a chance for love to break down our barriers and penetrate our pride. My mother and I were finally able to find our TRUE SELF smiling back at each other. We had found a safe and loving friendship bound in acceptance of each other’s differences, and we found forgiveness. We were two women learning from each other from and we learned that love heals through acceptance, and that forgiveness is vital for love.

THE GIFT

Everything about our lives is rich with a transforming quality and it comes from inside the heart and mind. My studies with “Spirit” connection began to be fostered at an early age. As a young girl, I harbored a secret crush on Jesus. My thoughts about Jesus was someone who I fantasized as more than my super hero and it went unspoken. It felt a little too embarrassing to make public that I thought Jesus was the most handsome man who ever lived. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I harbored a secret love affair for Jesus for many years that was not based on religious faith and certainly not of unconditional love. In my love for Jesus, there were conditions. As a young and lonely girl, I would very often fanaticize of what it would be like to be married to Jesus. I actually wore a ring for many years and pretended that I was Jesus’s wife. I kept my thoughts private and my feelings to myself, but in a young girl’s fantasy world of love beyond religion, it felt like shameful love. It was my secret from the nuns who wore the ring of devotion and marriage to God. In fact, I remember, the feeling of deep jealousy when I first read somewhere (other than the bible) that Mary Magdalene and Christ shared a deep intimate love for one another.

Nevertheless, because of my secret love affair, I began to develop a Christ Consciousness. And through this Christ consciousness, I developed a deep conviction to see life optimistically, to believe in humans as good, and that miracle healings were possible. It made me want desperately to do what Jesus could do. I know many people would say that through my loneliness and self isolation I developed an abnormal idealization of the super-ego self. In all truth, it didn’t matter how or why I wanted to believe it was possible to be a miracle worker because it kept me relentlessly questing for self-love in my life. My deep desire to be good and a loving person created within me a need to apply all my talents and energy into a reality worth investigating….Alchemy, Miracles, Faith Healing, whatever…bring it on!

Years later, my studies in transpersonal psychology, hypnotherapy, shamanism, energy healing medicine, and much reading into the playground of metaphysical thought, I further catalyzed my belief into miracles as a reality. Someday, the book I write will find a way to show how we can tap into that Source of creating miracles, just like Jesus said we could. It is clear to me, that it is crucial for all of us to break out of our emotional, mental, and physical prisons which we unknowingly keep re-creating. We need to be true to our feelings and mental distractions in order to heal ourselves beyond anything we have ever thought capable of in the past. Our fear (of everyone and everything) has kept humanity from experiencing true transformational change AND miracles.

We are now all transcending to a great truth and stepping into the knowledge that we are all power-filled beings with the ability to change every fear-based condition on this evolving planet. I am now certain that all of us who chose to stay in this physical reality in this present time all have an important job to do. Our job is to TRANSFORM back into our TRUE SELVES. To REMEMBER once again who we are and remember once again our real potential. My purpose is to help us remember ourselves, to rediscover our power-filled hearts again, to live our full potential, and to transform our beautiful Earth, our loving home, into true paradise once more.

I am very resolved about my work and “Spirit Source” knows it. I am convinced that only those who are the “big players” in this life will find me. I see big players as those who refuse to play small and hide themselves in the world any longer. We have all been given important life lessons to remember our strength. And in that strength miracles are born and all fear (pain) is healed. I trust that we can step into the reality of peace together as one. 

gratefully,

Brenda Rodriguez, M.A., CHT and Shamanic Healer with Source

My Mission

To fully participate in a transcended world that harmoniously aligns to peace. To be willing to “Adjust Love”.

What I’ve Achieved

• B.A. in Child Development - San Jose State University 1994

• M.A. in Counseling & Psychology - Santa Clara University 2000

• Certified Hypnotherapist - Twin Lakes College - 2001

• Taught 500hr. Master Hypnotherapy Coursework 2003-2007

• Reiki Master training 2005

• 3 years advanced Shamanic Training 2007-2010

• Ongoing studies in Energy Psychology, Vibrational Medicine, Theta-Healing, Cranio-sacral and Somatic-Emotional Release Therapy, Enneagram Training, Tapping, & EDR (energy directed release)